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10 Easy Steps to Become a Francophile

Fran•co•phile [frang-kuh-fahyl]

1. Friendly to or having a strong liking for France or the French.

2. A person who is friendly to or has a strong admiration of France or the French.

 

Recently, I posed a random question out into the twittersphere: “What language do you wish you spoke fluently?” An extensive and enlightening convo resulted. The consensus was French. Why? What is it about France?  Is it the hot French teacher we had in high school with the sexy accent? Is it that French is the language of love? In response to the unified desire to become more French, we have come up with the 1000 Fight’s 10 step program to become a certified Francophile.  Go grab your beret, some Foie gras and a glass of Chateau something-or-other and lets begin. Step one:

1-Attitude

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?

Anwser: One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.  — Author unknown

French attitude is world renowned and refined as its fine wine. To develop a little of the French outlook on life: Limeys and Yanks are to be despised! They are the great culturally unwashed. Key to being a true Francofile you must develop a healthy belief that France is the place that everyone wished they lived. One down nine to go.

2-Parlay-vue fran-say

I was told once, “Anyone interesting must speak French.” Entry into the elite Frano-club requires a command of the language of love.  According to our friends at Wikipedia, only 5% of the world’s population can speak French.  Must learn it to love it.  Start learning today!  Je souhaite que nous nous battions!

 

3-Become a Foodie Snob

The French do a lot of things well: building Eiffel Towers, kissing, and writing beatnik poetry, but one of their best contributions to humanity is their honed skill in the culinary arts.  The French love really great grub.

French food is definitively a cut above. There are over 5000 restaurants in the city of Paris alone! Some historians even believe that the concept of restaurant-ing was developed in France. Whether you are a fan of crème brulee, crêpes (YUM!), quiche, or even brandade de morue- you must have an opinion. In a millisecond, you must decipher if your Aligot is made with Tommee cheese or not. Good luck with that.

4-Un Nouveau Nom

Let’s face the facts. Names like Hank, Mark and Martha are just not going to cut it. To make the complete Franco conversion, you must take on a new moniker. Names like Gerrard, Jean-Pierre, Marie-Élise are ideal. You need lots of hyphens and lots of lines over vowels to be considered a true convert.

5-Get Your Chic On

Fashion is a tricky one. Unique rules apply to both men and women. Hommes- go dig into your wife’s closet and find all of her Clam diggers. Anything that leaves two to three inches of skin between the shoe line and the hem. Style! Femmes- attire must have interesting larva and antenna sticking out at unique places.

6-Master the PDA

This is another fun step to practice. The French aren’t exactly shy about expressing their romantic affections in public. You must “make out” in parks, on the subway, at cafés, on the bus, getting off the bus, and in line for the bus.

While taking pictures of the pyramid at the Louvre during one of our recent trips and in the back ground, an amorous couple were going at it.  I guess the pyramid wasn’t all that interesting. Go for it! Its research.

7-Know How to Ride a Bike in a Skirt and High Heels

Yep. Easier said than done:

8-Limit Productive Work to 4 Hours Per Month

For most of you this may be the most difficult step. Try you must. Take out your calendar. Take out four months for summer break. Take out another 4 months for winter break. There are three weeks of national holidays in France, so take out another month to be on the safe side. Set aside a month to be on strike due to overburden of the work schedule. There you are. (This should be the easy step. Viva le France!)  Life is meant to be lived not worked.

9-Know Your French Geography

French tend to love all things French. What could be more French than France? You must know how nice it is in Nice. You must know where to take ski holidays in France.  Take the time to get outside Paris and see the French countryside.  Spend a holiday in the French Alps.  With all of this new found vacation time in step 8, you will have plenty of time.  Bon Voyage!

10-Get Some Je ne Sais Quois

Even after completing steps listed above, the final and most important step is developing some je ne sais quois. What is that “certain something?” Where do you buy that certain something? What school do you attend to hone those skills? I don’t know. I am still stuck on step six.  You are on your own.

 

That’s it! 10 easy steps to becoming a certified Francophile. They say the ultimate compliment is emulation. So France, we salute you and your snails. Did we miss anything? Can you offer any great hints on connecting with your inner Franco-ish-ness? Leave a pithy comment below.

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