I feel sorry for women on Valentine’s Day. Every time I turn on the TV or scan Facebook there is some unrealistic expectation as to what I should want or receive. I get even more annoyed when I see my friend’s posts about making homemade valentines and cookies with their kids. I mean, shouldn’t giving birth be love enough?
I think it’s even worse for guys. If you don’t go to Jared, then you obviously don’t care about your wife. There better be flowers and chocolates and romance and if you don’t do anything at all, well, plan on sleeping on the couch.
The truth is, Valentine’s Day sucks for everyone. Married or single, Valentine’s Day can become a day of unmet expectations and general crabbiness.
It doesn’t have to be.
Success in showing love stems from understanding who you love and what they love and what love means to them. I recently read “The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman. It was a revelation. Not only will help you be a better partner, but also show love to your friends and family.
I hope you read the book, but if you don’t. Here’s a synopsis: everyone feels loved by different things: physical touch, gifts, service, quality time, and words of affirmation. Chapman explains from his personal experience as a counselor and from his own life. When do you feel most loved? For me it was easy: when my husband does things so I don’t have to. I am in nirvana when he vacuums, scrubs the shower or takes carpool duty. That’s because my love language is acts of service. But I also get weak in the knees when he randomly sends me flowers or picks up a trinket on a business trip. It shows me that he is thinking of me.
But my love language is not the same as Mike’s. He is tricky, because he is a little bit of all of them. But here is a secret: If you want to know what your spouse’s love language is, observe what they do for you. Mike constantly compliments me and builds me up. Therefore, Mike’s strongest love language is words of affirmations. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be the worst day of the year. Here’s three tips to keep you from sleeping on the couch today and everyday:
1. Think critically about what your partner’s love language is.
2. Don’t do what you want. That’s your love language. Speak your partner’s love language. 3. Become fluent in your partner’s love language. Don’t just speak the love language one day. Strive to speak it every day.
Have you discovered your partner’s love language and how did it change your relationship?
PS-Mike disagrees with this post. He thinks Valentine’s Day is wonderful. But he is also watching a war movie while I write it. So, there’s the all the evidence needed.